You should think very carefully about your future. At this stage in a relationship you should be enjoying life without any worries, enjoying each other's company to the full, and always be looking forward to spending time together.
Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with somebody who doesn't think you are wonderful and who doesn't admire what you have achieved? Because if he did, he wouldn't be undermining you every chance he gets. After you have given this some more thought, and if you find that the way he treats you is a deal breaker, then share your thoughts with your boyfriend and give him a final chance to change, bearing in mind that change is really difficult and we can only change ourselves and not a partner.
All correspondence will be treated in confidence. I have been told that I am attractive, I have a university education, a pensionable job, nice car, apartment, etc.
It breaks my heart to be single. It's a physical ache. I know that I am too old to have a family now but even the love of a committed partner would be lovely at this stage. I ache when I see my brothers with their wives and children and ask myself why has this passed me by. If your partner is going at it all the time, lashing out and fighting back instead of just being the chill human you want them to be, what can you to do calm things down, take a step to the side, and retire the argumentative attitude once and for all?
I spoke with nine relationship experts on this topic, asking them what a gal should do who finds herself in this situation , and imploring them to elucidate, for the love of god, why some people are this way all the time.
It seems as though, more often than not, people are this way because of old patterns or learned behaviors that go way back — and if you want to defuse the issue, speak softly and put down the stick. Keep these nine things in mind if you have an argumentative partner and you are searching for a rational and reasonable solution. Options are good in situations like these.
When you're partner's defensive hackles rise, it's often a sign that they are trying to protect themselves against the above forms of shame. We are both passionate people and I feel a bit of fire is healthy. However, the arguing is becoming more and more of the central focus.
This has led me to start questioning the overall relationship. I love my boyfriend and want to live with him and spend my life with him. But he makes me very sad. I feel as if, to an extent, the level of arguing has driven me to become almost a shell of myself. My boyfriend can be very abrupt and argumentative. He is very good with words and perhaps I am not, or I am not used to having to make such an effort to win arguments because it is not in my nature.
I always try to do right by him, but a lot of the time things seem to get twisted as me doing the wrong thing. In the back of my mind I have had the thought that it should end.
Next day he may change his opinion totally forgetting and denying the one he previously held and defend that one just as aggressively.
All with tenth hand old wives tales at best to defend his new opinion and then get loud when you dont buy into it. I have to agree with you. Some of my friends do that as well — they hold contrarian views and instead of disagreeing with the mainstream, they just shut up and say nothing.
I think this says a lot about society and people in general. Just look at the number of downvotes you received. It was just a polite explanation of your views and experience. But nonetheless, so many people slammed you for it. Sorry, but you sound like my boyfriend. He disagrees with me on everything! What they are saying is that people who are argumentative about everything,, are using these arguments and disagreements as a defense mechanism because of feelings of inferiority, or lack of self-esteem.
After all, they are only opinions. However, super opinionated people can be very exhausting and eventually disliked. Try being on the opposite side of it!!! I feel sorry for her husband, after 23 years he must have the patience of a saint!
First, I can relate to your arguments. I used them on myself for decades, and argued and won many times. I also lost friends over it. However i have come to a completely opposite worldview than you. But if we ran into each other there is no way either of us going to budge. Honestly until I was about 50, I said that if anyone could here my logic they would have to agree with me! Now I see my folly but still catch myself arguing uselessly. You have to be more choosy on who you pick to debate.
Getting a relationship first and building trust over time gets a lot more interest from a person even if they are dug in.
I know you may not come to this conclusion. Their personality is not like ours. Good Luck and I mean that sincerely,. I mean, when I was looking into religious considerations myself, just looking up even Ravi Zacharias or other apologetics online gave me enough fodder to reconsider. Alas, I digress. Anyway, good luck to you.
You seem genuine in your complaints, but perhaps a bit skewed in your outlook. My husband is an obsessive antagonist over the prettiest of things.
He will trap you and go on for hours over something as silly as moving the remote. I have had to succomb to violence to get him to stop.
I need help or he will fly head first out a window or suffer some unfortunate accident… Lol. I avoid him like the plague, he does dangerous work and everyday I wish he would never come home so my family can have peace.
I called the police on myself because I needed help, I was afraid of what I would do to him. He corners us and blocks the door and forces us to listen to his nonsensical rants. He is also midly paranoid his theories are just not real, he thinks every bad consequence was somehow planned by someone. I feel utterly trapped in hell, and I left my home because it was hell. It seems one prison gets traded for another. So do you live in the UK or somewhere else?
This sounds like something that would only happen in my home country, the USA. I will pray for you and sending love your way. It comes down to this if you want to know if its you or not. Ask your self this, how many people in my life I was once knew or were friends with i now do not talk with due to a conflict with them. If its more then a few look in the mirror. If there we were using a wheel model of various personality traits.
I am working to vibrate higher regardless. I do see outdated mechanisms at play in my life. Since there is no reset button or do over option I will have to prescribe to know better do better!
I was at my drama workshop recently in Sussex and one of the members did not like the session we where doing. She said that she could not understand the text to the drama coach. And unfortunately a row broke out between the workshop member and the drama coach. They then left the room and the argument continued. This particular person has been in conflict with some of the other members before perhaps she is an argumentative person as this article says some people are and they jump at the slightest reason to argue with others.
Hi Vivienne I have experienced this type of problem myself at a Yoga class some people are never happy unless they are causing problems. One woman causes hassle over someone else putting their Yoga mat on what she calls her space.
There has been a row over that at times. This particular woman think she owns the floor space I think. I stay well away from her now. These sessions are suppose to be pleasurable not a minefield of stress. I hope your next drama session is less hassle good luck. How come I can comment on your post and not the above ones? The thing is referring to the above posts these people HAVE to argue…do they really think they are going to change the opinion of others with their words of wisdom?
As with my boyfriend, there is the feeling of a bit of superiority where they feel that THEY know better than others, and they do not respect the opposite opinions.
I am talking about my boyfriend now…. I let them talk and did NOT voice my opinion. Point is…how are these people arguing? This article fits me to a T. Feel good endorphins. I read a lot and I try to learn as much about the world around me as possible and others take it the wrong way when I express my views or maybe I approach the situation in the wrong way and it usually ends up in an argument. Thanks for listening.
The world is far too complex to be adequately captured by this article. For example, if your peers are all drunkards, you will probably find yourself at odds with them if you are not a drunkard. What is the most important is situational awareness. Am I adding value? How are others responding?
Am I making things better? What am I aiming to achieve? Does the other person have valid feedback? Have I considered it? Is it worth discussing with a friend for an independent perspective? I find that I am constantly at odds with most of society on one topic, sexism. This will continue to be a fight until the day I die. However, there are times when fundamental decency is overlooked by society and we need voices of reason to challenge group think when it goes awry.
I am very open to anything that is not designed to be prejudiced or hurtful. Most people are swayed by most of my arguments, however, I know that I am selectively argumentative, as we all are.
If you are able to look beyond yourself and understand multiple perspectives, your argumentativeness may be ok. I hope I can help my son think more like Andy. I just saw this was written in — if you get notices of the posts how is it going now?
I wish my boyfriend wrote this…. Good on ya bro, you are showing more humility than I ever probably have with this issue. I can relate.
At the end of the day, it is not worth it. I am exploring the idea of wanting to argue due to lack of a feeling of identity or lack of self-confidence, although it is a confusing thought to me, and I sometimes think maybe it would make more sense if it was due to unhappiness. Sometimes I feel like I argue because it is simply stimulating and should not be threatening in any way. Does this make them a sociopath? What about when you give them a list of examples and they make excuses or choose to ignore the ones that they know are valid?
By ignoring I mean, they refuse to discuss it. Even when you are agreeing that you are on the same page they will respond in some way with a redirect about something just so they can turn it back into an argument.
Most of the stuff is common knowledge. According to political debates, the person who starts name calling or uses profanity loses the debate. I am considered to be an argumentative person by a lot of people, including my boyfriend.
This article describes my husband of 10 years to a tee. Sounds like you need to divorce him. Find happiness with someone more suitable. People like us can not stand to be wrong or think we have wrong opinions. It took decades for me to realize the only one I was hurting was me, and of course the people that had to listen. The pain your husband has inside is intense and he using this for relief. I was helped greatly by studying the subject and getting good counsel.
The biggest benefit for him is that over time, stuff will not bother him. Even though it helps you, he will be the big winner if he realizes he is causing all his misery. The problem is that other people simply will never agree. And who cares. Is it worth losing your wife and health to prove some damn point that in the scheme of things is way less important than having a good relationship. I have someone in my family who fits the mold of an argumentative personality.
As I have grown and matured, I realize there is no reason to try and be right. Short and sweet is much better than an hour worth of a conversation that goes no where. That constant, bi-polar thought process is damaging to your children and to others.
It leaves a very bad mark. There were thousands of people who helped you get here. I have long had problems getting family members and house work employees to respect my belongings.
I feel terrible for days after rows. When I attempt to draw her attention to the way she treats me with her indirect bullying; controlling; undermining and argumentative behaviour she then accuses me of being the troublemaker and insists that she is not arguing with me.
She often disses my opinions in a way that only a parent can get away with. I try to be nice and respectful towards her but she always seems to find a way to put me down again.
She even slapped me once.
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